When you search "my hands are tied" online you come up with something like this...not free to behave in the way you would like to. I had my first true experience of that recently!
As some of you know, I recently had back surgery (another medical expense to add to our growing list). My mom had kept Braylon during my post-op recovery. I was so ready for him to be at home with me. I knew I would not be able to hold him or pick him up for a while. I just didn't know that would be harder on me than him not being around.
Maybe it's the good meds (lol) or just this time of year that has my emotions on edge, but when he first saw me his immediate reaction was to reach for me. Knowing I couldn't grab him up in my arms made me lose it! That was almost worse than the post-surgery pain I was feeling. I sure wasn't prepared for that reaction!
I've never had a feeling quite like that...I was so helpless!! I am normally very hands-on with him and not able to give him a big squeeze broke my heart! Now that he's back home I find myself just staring at him and watching his every move. I want so bad to get on the floor and play with him like we normally do and I cannot!
There are many days when I feel so tired and want to give up, but moments like that make me realize how special he is to me. He has my heart and that day he made me fully aware of that! I am now looking forward to a couple of weeks from now when I can hopefully return to my full-time "Mommy Duties." Not to say a little break isn't nice every now and then!
Isn't it wonderful how God can put things in perspective for us. You are having to sit back & see things from a different angle. It's weird how something can look one way from one side and totally different from the other. You are getting to see from BOTH sides now. You have been truly
ReplyDeleteblessed. Brittany you are a special person and God only picks his strongest soldiers to fight his hardest battles. My oldest daughter has a special needs child that they adopted when she was five. She was removed from an extremely abusive family when she was four. People come into our lives for a reason. You and your family are always in my prayers. You have a lot of your Mama in you girl. You are a lot tougher than you know. I'm also so glad Laurell's path has led her back to the studio. I've been praying that she would find her way back there. I guess she had to experience other things to see what she really wanted. Hope you continue to get better and stronger each day. I really enjoy reading your blog. Have a great day.