Good Riddance

I cannot wait for this year to come to an end...I am determined for 2013 to be better!!  It has been one heck of a roller coaster ride to say the least.  All the ups and a lot of downs in my personal life have me exhausted; not only physically, but mentally as well!  I am overloaded with thoughts right now as I reflect back on this past year.  The majority of them still leave me scratching my head!

If what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, then I feel like Super Woman!!  It did take me a long time to get to that point.  I truly felt like there were days when I just could not possibly take any more.  There is no denying that I questioned why I was having to deal with the things I did and I still haven't gotten answers for all of them.  However, I have come to the realization that I might not ever figure it out. 

I found myself constantly searching for encouragement and anything positive I could cling to.  One day I came across a quote (on Pinterest of course) that pretty much sums it up for me.  It says, "Sometimes God lets you hit rock bottom so that you will discover that He is the rock at the bottom."  I feel like maybe I wasn't living the life I was meant to live.  Through all the troubles I faced I found myself building a stronger relationship with Him.  

In building that relationship I began to see the positive in things and tried my best to weed out the negative.  I am pretty sure it is safe to say that will be one of my New Year's resolutions.  I am determined to stay positive.  I still have the hardest time when I see other children Braylon's age and what they are accomplishing.   Although it never seems too long after that I notice something that shows me it could always be so much worse!

In staying positive, the things we work the hardest for are a lot more rewarding than those that come naturally.  So when I post a picture of Braylon sitting straighter in a high chair and finally drinking from a sippy cup, I can really be a proud Momma!!  We worked pretty dang hard to accomplish those things!! You can betcha that we are going to keep on working that hard too.  I just know 2013 is going to bring great improvements!!

With 2012 coming to an end I can certainly say, "GOOD RIDDANCE!!"  I am looking forward to what 2013 has in store for us.  For those of you following our journey and asking how things are going, Braylon's milestones are listed below.  Thank you for continuing to support us with all your positive and kind words!

He can now say several words (although not on command):  Bye-Bye, Dada, Mama, Hey

He clicks his tongue - A LOT!

He spits when he doesn't like something

He shakes his head NO

We play peek-a-boo

He is working on pincher grasp instead of whole hand

We drink out of a sippy cup - YAY!!

He rolls to whatever he wants to get in to

As far as sitting, he still cannot control his balance and has low muscle tone

We are now working on standing and building those leg muscles

He finally supported a little weight in his arms in the crawl position just recently

Hopefully more to come soon!!

Tied Hands

When you search "my hands are tied" online you come up with something like this...not free to behave in the way you would like to.  I had my first true experience of that recently!

As some of you know, I recently had back surgery (another medical expense to add to our growing list).  My mom had kept Braylon during my post-op recovery.  I was so ready for him to be at home with me.  I knew I would not be able to hold him or pick him up for a while.  I just didn't know that would be harder on me than him not being around.

Maybe it's the good meds (lol) or just this time of year that has my emotions on edge, but when he first saw me his immediate reaction was to reach for me.  Knowing I couldn't grab him up in my arms made me lose it!  That was almost worse than the post-surgery pain I was feeling.  I sure wasn't prepared for that reaction!

I've never had a feeling quite like that...I was so helpless!!  I am normally very hands-on with him and not able to give him a big squeeze broke my heart!  Now that he's back home I find myself just staring at him and watching his every move.  I want so bad to get on the floor and play with him like we normally do and I cannot!

There are many days when I feel so tired and want to give up, but moments like that make me realize how special he is to me.  He has my heart and that day he made me fully aware of that!  I am now looking forward to a couple of weeks from now when I can hopefully return to my full-time "Mommy Duties."  Not to say a little break isn't nice every now and then!